It’s been quite a day in sports, particularly in soccer and baseball. I heard there were also two guys on a tennis court doing something historic, but it’s men’s tennis – one of the few sports where the women are far better to watch. Until they make a true commitment to spicing up men’s tennis (play in Bosnia, Europe’s minefield capital? Have judges shoot them with paintball guns? Make the loser fight a tiger with only his racket?), I’d rather not waste time watching that. Whatever. Anyway, here’s a quick roundup:

Baseball

A Freddie Gonzalez slumpbuster?

*Jeffrey Loria fired manager Freddie Gonzalez this morning. Freddie “Fuck Hanley” Gonzalez was probably making over $75,000 that year, which according to Loria, was exorbitant considering the stacked roster he inherited and the team’s performance. I feel bad for the guy. That was a no-win situation. It’s never a good sign when your clubhouse leader is Wes Helms, he of the career .320 wOBA. Even if Hanley is wrong, that guy going at 50% effort is 1000 times better than everyone not named Josh Johnson. Shut the fuck up, Wes. Rumors are Bobby Valentine is in the mix to take over for Freddie.

Why on earth would he do that? No way they make the playoffs, no way they’re adding payroll. It’s a very young team that will struggle to hit the .500 mark. What’s the upside there? He’d have a rotation with a stud ace (that they may trade), a stud SS, a few good-but-underachieving young guys and an awful owner. There is no gain there. None. He’d be a fool to take that job. On the other hand, for comic relief, I really hope his Baseball Tonight buddy Jon Kruk is offered the job. I can only imagine he’d somehow miss games by mistaking one of his hands for a sandwich and losing a finger or two.

*A report surfaced that Johan Santana was accused of sexual battery last October. According to the report, the Mets pitcher was golfing with a girl and then forced her to say, “New York-big, ZZ?” repeatedly. He unhooked her bra, began to kiss her until deciding to play around with her underwear (no details on what type? Awful journalism. It’s in the details!). In wonderful fashion, the Venezuelan then ejaculated on her thigh. All the while the speakers on the golf course blasted “Smooth” by Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas (!) — his walk-up music. According to the report, she said “no” a number of times. In a fashion remarkably similar to my dates, after all that, she watched him play tennis. Let me repeat that – after being sexually molested by this very man, she thought to herself, “It would be awfully rude if I left while he got in a game of tennis.” It sounds like Johan is a quick finisher, so I doubt the game resembled the one we saw at Wimbledon (hiyooooo!). And it sounds like bullshit, too. She wants some money. I wonder if she’ll hang out with a notable quarterback living in the Pittsburgh area.

Soccer:

*What can be said about Team USA? I thought they were starting to resemble Team England for a while. We’ll get to the officiating later, but holy Jesus, they had about fifteen-twenty really good opportunities to score. By the 90th minute I’d decided that if they tied or lost the game, it would be on them —not the refs— they had the chanes and squandered them.

That being said, goodness, the officiating is outrageous. We complain about baseball having egregious calls with seemingly no rational explanation. That’s true. But just as much of baseball umpiring antics seem to come as a result of pride and the baffling need to be “a part” of the game, interjecting their own will to determine the outcome, not simply missing calls and making the wrong call on close plays.

Now I’m not a big follower of soccer, so I can’t say with any certainty that the refs are not like this. But what I’ve seen comes out of general incompetence. The Algerian team showed what seemed to be a concerted effort to play a tough game, seemingly fouling left and right. Few calls were made. And of course, the goal on Dempsey was overturned on another bogus offsides call. If the US had been knocked out this game, I think many of the fans who may have potentially turned the corner and followed the sport would just as quickly abandon it. But now, in spite of the atrocious refereeing, Team USA has a more favorable draw against Ghana in the next round, right on the heels of what could be their biggest win in history. Miraculously, just as the end seemed near, Landon “Hairlino Recedo” Donovan knocked one in after stoppage. It was surreal. One of the most thrilling moments in recent sporting history. The stakes were great and this could be the moment that draws long-term interest in soccer in the States.

Of course, people have been saying that for years and yet it’s still very much a second class citizen. I find that somewhat surprising, considering youth soccer in the States is quite good. But it really levels off when those players enter high school, where they’re drawn to more popular, traditional American sports. I think if the top European leagues drew wide viewership (have a soccer network accessible to US viewers that show the top leagues), it may make steady progress. Of course, this is a country that is very Ameri-centric when it comes to sports and require that the leagues be featuring the best talent in the world, and MLS offers none of the sort, nor is it shown on television with regularity. So it may not ever take off.

NBA:

Nets fans in their natural habitat.

*The Nets traded away Chris Douglas-Roberts to the Bucks for the 44th pick in the NBA draft. This is all in the effort to get further under the cap and potentially use this pick (they have 3, 27, 31, 44 now) as a package for another team. Frankly, this doens’t make a heck of a lot of sense to me. If you wanted to move up in the draft, why not just package picks 27 & 31. That should get you a top 16 pick.

I just don’t see a big-ticket FA like Wade, LeBron, Bosh joining New Jersey. They’ll probably draft Wesley Johnson, a nice player but will likely never be a top small forward in the league. Seems like a mistake. May as well get the upside of Favors. He has unbelievable potential. Then again, the grumbling is they’re looking to target a PF in FA, probably Amare or (gasp) Carlos Boozer. You’re then left with a lineup of Harris, Lee, Johnson, Amare/Boozer, Lopez. Not bad, but I find it underwhelming.