Follow me tonight for Game 1 of the NBA Finals, pitting the Boston Celtics vs. the Los Angeles Lakers (of Anaheim?).  I’m going up against Bill Simmons, and while he has a decided advantage, ESPN.com’s chat software is so terrible I might have a chance.  Seriously, they changed their chat software, what a year ago, and it’s still not fixed?  Ok, rant over.  Let’s see how this works, check out JMK’s live blogging of Yankee games here and here.  I can promise it will be whiskey free, though alcohol free might be a stretch.  As you may know, the Celtics/Lakers finals rivalry has been a lot like the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry, in that one team has the decided advantage.  The Celtics have dominated, as the Lakers have won just 2 times in their previous 11 Finals meetings.  Here’s hoping for more of the same in 2010.

Kendrick Perkins was just called for his 1st foul (offensive) and disagreed with it.  Wait, what’s that, the game hasn’t even started yet?  Ok, well that’s my first prediction, Perk will get an offensive foul setting a screen, well deserved BTW, and complain.  He’s like David Ortiz in this manner.  In his own mind, David Ortiz has never seen a called strike that he agrees with.  Well, Kendrick Perkins has never committed a foul that he agrees with.

Jeffrey Osborne singing the anthem?  Really?  For Celtics/Lakers Game 1, in Los Angeles, and that’s who they get for the National Anthem?  Pretty Weak.

What are the odds Artest is naked under his sweatsuit?  Has to be 50/50 right?

Look out Lakers, Scal is in uniform tonight.  Shit is going down.

Who makes worse decisions:  Craig Sager in suits or Lamar Odom in Kardashians?

So how is this $50 to take a charge bounty going to work for the Lakers?  A guy making $10 million/year is going to change his style of basketball for $50?  At least we know Artest won’t, he doesn’t take charges.  That shit gets you stabbed in Queensbridge.

1st Quarter

*Joey Crawford is reffing?  Great.  I think he just gave Tim Duncan a T.

*Ok, this angle sucks, but nice start to the game.  Rondo will penetrate at will this series.

*This could get interesting.  Artest is crazy, I can’t imagine what we’ll see out of him this series.

*I’m not buying any of these “Gasol is tough now” articles.  He’s soft, and it will show in this series.  He can’t bang with the Celtics bigs all game, all series.

*For such a nice guy, it’s pretty interesting to note that Ray Allen has a severe dislike for Kobe.  It will be interesting to see how that subplot plays out this series.

*Has Sasha Vujacic ever stopped crying from the time Ray Ray eviscerated him in Game 5?  You know, two years ago.

*Two fouls for Ray Allen.  Oh shit, this means Tony Allen.  He’ll commit a foul within 3 minutes, guaranteed.

*Pau Gasol really does look like a llama.

*For all of the Phil Jackson leaving LA talk, there’s no way he leaves California and their medicinal weed.  You know, for his hip problem.

*The more time the ball spends in Artest’s hands, the better it is for the Celtics.

*That Doc Rivers story is fucking excellent. It would suck of course, had they, or the Lakers, not made it to the finals.

*How is Scal not a Hall of Famer? Just look at him, he is basketball personified.  Danny Ainge’s brain doctor said he has the same brain type as Michael Jordan.  Michael Jordan!!

*They should stop calling free throws free throws and stick to foul shots.  Foul shooting in today’s NBA is terrible, they are no longer free (as Kobe is out to hit 2)

*Told you Tony Allen would commit a foul.

*So is Mark Wahlberg  there, and if so is he wearing Gold or Green?  I know Donnie doesn’t stray from the Celtics, but little bro definitely does.  At least he kicked ass in The Departed.

*Come on Phil, keep Artest in with 2 fouls.  He’s smart, there’s no way he’ll pick up a 3rd.

*I really hate to say it, but I think Tony Allen could be an X-factor in this series.  That is not comforting as a Celtics fan.

*And Tony Allen follows up his foul with a terrible entry pass.  In a half court set, the C’s might be better off playing 4 on 5 and leave TA back for defense.

*Even if you hate the Celtics, it’s pretty tough to root against Big Baby right?  Not only is he fun to watch, the dude had a tough upbringing.

*Tony Allen, with another foul?  Call me Nostradamus.

*Michael Finley, Rasheed Wallace and Kevin Garnett?  Damn, this team is sick.  Ooops, it’s not 2002 is it.

*MVR! MVR! MVR! (oh, they were saying P…and Colorado never happened)

*What a terrible last minute for the Celtics.

At the end of 1, it’s 26-21 Lakers.  It was tight until the last minute when the Celtics sucked it up.  Overall though, they didn’t play well (where was dynamic Rondo?), so can’t feel too bad about being down by 5.

2nd Quarter

*Is Doc’s voice that raspy in the offseason, or is it just in season from yelling?  At least he sounds better than Ron Jeremy, err, Stan Van Gundy.

*Nate Rob time!  Nate is all or nothing, but I don’t get why he doesn’t get at least 4 minutes every game to figure out whether he’s Good Nate or Bad Nate on any given night.  I think he’ll get those chances this series.

*I bet Bill Walton is rooting for the Celtics.  Dude looooooves Boston.  He actually used to ride the train into the Garden for games.  Nothing like a 6’11″ red head on the T in Boston heading to the Garden.

*Foul trouble is going to be a huge key in this game, several important guys already have 2 or 3.  No big deal, the officials never get in the way of anything, in any sport, ever……….

*SHEEEEEED!!!!

*Sheed is just behind Derrick Coleman on the “Power Forwards who didn’t get the most out of their talent” rankings.  He should have been a Hall of Famer, but he seems content with making $100 million or so and just being Sheed.

*Vujabitch, you just got Rondo’d

*How awesome is it that my spellchecker caught Sheed, but not Vujabitch.  Is that a real word now?  If not, it should be.

*Damn, now the spellchecker caught it.  I’ll just have to add it to the dictionary.

*Pretty quiet 10 out of Kobe so far, kind of scary.

*We need the aggressive Rondo back.  Maybe he’s still struggling through injuries.

*These do not look like the two best teams in basketball, just jitters I guess, but they’re certainly playoff tested teams.

*So far we’re getting Bad Tony Allen and Bad Nate Robinson.  Need the starters to win this one.

*Does Chris Wallace risk audit every time he files his taxes and doesn’t include whatever the Lakers are paying him?  Seriously, that Gasol trade was as bad as it gets.

*First team to 80 wins?  This game remains fugly.

*Ron Artest would be a great linebacker.

*The ghost of KG’s legs just made an appearance.

*Say this for the Celtics, they absolutely will not panic.

*The worst part about live sports?  Having to sit through commercials.

*That was not a foul.  Just ask Kendrick Perkins.  (of course it was)

*The old “Give the ball to Pierce and get out of the way offense”.  This almost never works.  Rondo is the playmaker, keep the damn ball in his hands.

*Phew, great shot by Rondo to get it in single digits before the half.

At halftime it’s 50-41.  Neither team is playing well.  Gasol is dominating inside defensively and on the glass, the Celtics will need to find an answer.  Kobe hasn’t done too much yet, but I’m sure he’ll be primed for the 2nd half.  For the Celtics, Rondo just isn’t playing great.  His numbers are fine at 10/4/4, but he hasn’t been much of a presence out there.  He’s not pushing the issue with his speed.  All of the Big 3 need to step it up in the 2nd half, and Sheed could be a big factor as he played very well in his 9 1/2 minutes.  The Celtics have to try to run, because they aren’t hitting their 3′s (1-6) and are having trouble inside with the Lakers big men.

*Remember when we thought Magic had been given a death sentence?  Jesus, he looks like he could give the Lakers 10 good minutes or so.

*Stuart Scott’s lazy eye just wandered off my TV screen.  I think that means I need a bigger TV, but I’m not sure.

3rd Quarter

*Just like Sheed never goes inside the 3 point line (reg. season) Andrew Bynum never leaves the lane, on offense or defense.

*I don’t know who’s had a better career between Allen and Pierce, but they couldn’t look more differently doing it.  Everything Pierce does is ugly, off balance, herky jerky and it works.  Everything Allen does is as smooth as humanly possible.

*Rondo has gone to the hoop two times already this half.  We need more of this.

*Shit.  Come on Ray Ray.  I can’t stand more Tony Allen, I think he should go to Nate Rob here.  Or Scal (not really).

*Of the Big 3, KG has the most years and money left on his deal, but is clearly the furthest from his prime.  I believe Bill Simmons 100% when he says Ainge was shopping KG at the deadline.  That contract is going to hurt.  But we’ll always have 2008 (and 2010?)

*Kobe is getting pissed.  Hopefully it turns him into pouty bitch Kobe, not domination mode Kobe.

*If Ron Artest had Kobe’s head on his shoulders, how good could he be?

*Kobe took that to the hole and would not be stopped.  Not the first time.

*While the 13 point deficit sucks, I have no doubt the Celtics will make a game of this.  I want some more Sheed though, he provided a spark in the 1st half.

*Gasol flopped.  Shocking.  That soccer mentality.

*Could someone grab a rebound? Please?  The Lakers are getting all of the 50/50 balls.

*Quick tangent.  Filip Bondy is a total douchebag.  What’s worse, what he wrote, or what the LA Times guy (not going to justify him by looking him up) said about Paul Pierce? They both suck, bigtime.

*How does a referee who throws a ball at a fan and gets suspended still get the call in the the Finals?  Even if he’s good, he shouldn’t get rewarded.  Only in the NBA.

*If you could spend 5 minutes inside Ron Artest’s head, would you?  I only would if someone else was going to pay for the years of therapy I’d need.  If you haven’t heard the “I saw a guy get killed on the court” story, google it.  Now.

*Did you google that Artest story yet?  I already know it, and I’m googling it again.  I love how nonchalantly he told that story.

*I can’t stop thinking about Artest.  If he were in Boston, he would be the most loved or hated athlete in town.  Absolutely no middle ground.  I’m guessing hated though.

*Wow.  It sucks that Allen already had 4 fouls, but that call is beyond brutal.  Inexcusable call there.

*Joey Crawford could not go a game without T’ing someone up.

*If the Celtics lose this game (and it’s looking bad) I hope it’s by 15-20, not 4-8.

After 3 quarters it’s a blowout, 84-64 Lakers.  The defensive minded Celtics just came out of halftime and gave up 34 points in the 3rd.  For Tom Thibodeau’s sake, I hope he already signed a contract somewhere.  More 34 point quarters and the shine will wear off real quick.

4th Quarter

*If you wanna crown them, then crown their ass.  But I’m not there yet.  Remember, it wasn’t the Yankees who won Game 1 of the World Series last year.

*Did Sheed just make an offensive and defensive play inside the 3 point line and not break out in hives?

*Remember the Nets….Now we just need Antoine Walker screaming in Pierce’s grill trying to fire him up.  And believe me, if the Celtics offered Antoine $50 to do it, he would.

*Nate Rob getting fired up!  Get a stop here and give yourselves a chance.

*This needs to become the Ray Ray and Pierce show.

*Knicks fans must be disgusted watching Nate right now.  He’s coming in as an energy guy off the bench, not bitching about it, and playing the game the right way.  Quite a transformation.  I’m not sure if Doc Rivers looks like a genius for playing him now, or looks like an idiot for not playing him for months.

*Eddie Jones, there’s a blast from the past.  I remember when the Celtics took Eric Montross instead of Eddie Jones.  Good times in Celtics basketball history.

*Would being David Spade be the coolest thing in the world, or the worst thing in the world?

*Rondo still disappears too much.  And Sheed would have gotten T’d up for what Odom just did.  Just sayin.

*Looks like someone told the Celtics they are in the NBA Finals.  Too late?

*Yup, too late.

*Kobe’s “block” on Tony Allen wasn’t a block.  Allen already (shockingly) lost the ball.  It looked great live, but enough of the replays.

*Kobe, like everyone else in the world, no longer finds Chris Rock funny.

*Wow.  KG has no bounce in his legs.  None.

*If KG continues to deteriorate, does he stick around for the paycheck, or does he walk away?  Most athletes take the money (and with good reason).  KG, I’m not so sure.  I can’t see him settling for mediocrity.

*Does Dyan Cannon still go to all of the games?  I know it’s blasphemy, but Caddyshack II isn’t quite as bad as everyone thinks.  If it was called “Goofy Shit on a Golf Course” it would be received much better.  Carrying the Caddyshack name clearly doomed it from the start, but there are some funny lines in there.

*After my Caddyshack II comment you may be wondering if I’m drunk.  I’m not.  The Celtics may be though.

*The MVP chants are almost as bad as the wave.  In the right context I’m ok with it, but it’s never used that way.  I’m looking at you too Boston.

And it’s a final, Lakers win 102-89 and take Game 1 in the series.  The Celtics played like shit, but really only came into LA looking to split on the road.  They’ll have to show up in Game 2, as they were pretty pisspoor across the board, never got into a rhythm offensively, and got destroyed on the boards.  Frankly they looked terrible, but it’s only 1 game.  I can’t think of one Celtic who truly showed up tonight (Big Baby?) and delivered.  Now they are playing “I Love LA”.  At least that makes me think of The Naked Gun and I can go to bed with small smile on my face (and maybe Caddyshack II on the TV).